Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
