I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
