May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
