Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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