I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
