DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
