xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
