I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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