Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
