mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
