Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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