walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
