Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
