found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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