Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
