Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
