Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
