my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
