Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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