I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
