That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
