apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
