I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
