there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
