I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
4 words: hood of his car
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
