dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
