I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
