i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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