K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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