Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
