you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
