yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
