i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
