just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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