nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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