so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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