Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
