I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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