I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
