I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
