T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
