The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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