She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am one with the molecules
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
