Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do vagina's smell?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
