I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
