i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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