I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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