I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
