We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
