After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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