i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
